If you’re anything like me and have been teaching for more than a minute, you have probably had a difficult child in your classroom. This is the one that takes up more of your time than any other not because of academics but behavior. I had a student who was exhausting, I became her ally. How? I learned how to reach difficult students.
About “That” Student
Like I said before, we have all had “that” student. The one who doesn’t listen, is always late, causes a commotion any chance he/she gets. The student who eventually became my ally was first introduced to me when she was in kindergarten and I was teaching second grade. While I didn’t teach her, I knew of her because she scared my second graders whenever they interacted.
This student came into kindergarten “swearing like a trucker” and was physically aggressive towards the older students on the playground. The teachers she had before me said she was a “handful” in class. However, two years later, when she entered second grade, I would learn for myself what a “handful” she was. I also knew if we were going to be successful, I was going to have to get her on my side. It all started with a task: journaling.
Our First Break Through
I love doing journal work with students. When we sat down to do our first journaling exercise, we had our first breakthrough. I had asked students to draw a picture in their journals because an art journal can be really fun! She was determined not only to test me but to upset me. So, she drew a picture, scribbled it out, ripped the page out of the journal, and put her head on the desk. I approached her, refocused her by getting her started on a new page. This was not going to work for her. She got up, threw the journal in the garbage, and went back to put her head on her desk. When I retrieved the notebook from the garbage, it said “I HATE YOU” I on it. I asked her if she was writing this message to me and explained that I had not done anything to harm her; I simply wanted to help her.
When I said this, she seemed surprised. This was one of the first times in her life an adult had chosen kindness instead of anger when dealing with something she had done. From there, she tried a few more things to upset me but I was determined to NOT get upset. I would not yell at this child. Eventually, she finished the picture and I helped her write the date.
Reach Difficult Students with Kindness
Now, what did I do that was different? It’s quite simple. I was kind. Knowing she was frustrated and trying to cause me to explode, I took a deep breath and was calm. I vowed that I would be a safe adult in this child’s life and that’s exactly what I did. I never let her get away with bad behavior, I simply kept re-directing her back to the activity at hand. The main thing I did was stay calm. No one likes to be yelled at. For young children, it can be detrimental especially if it is the only thing he/she hears.
Understanding Difficult Students
Beyond being kind, the other thing I did was pay attention to this child and what her life was like. From watching her, I learned that life at home was chaotic. She often came to school late or missed school entirely. When she did come to school she looked incredibly tired and unkempt. The student was always hungry and rarely had a snack to eat after morning recess and her mother would drop off her lunch at 12:00. Her basic needs were not being met. Knowing all of this, I understood why she was so upset and I could do some things to help her out.
However, there were some things I couldn’t do anything about; that’s where becoming her ally came into play. She needed an adult who was safe. At home, her mom yelled at her constantly and her dad was in prison. School was not a priority in the home and neither was this student.
How to Reach Difficult Students
There are many ways you can reach a difficult student but the best way to approach any difficult student is with kindness and understanding. This is more than a new teacher tip; it’s a reminder for veteran teachers. Not every child we have in our classroom has the perfect home life. Not every child we have in our classroom has the same maturity level or ability. We need to treat our difficult students with respect and kindness because that’s how we become the safe adult.
After that first breakthrough with my student, we started to get better. In a few months, she was drawing and writing a whole page in her journal and thriving in school. It was clear she was bright because even though she had many absences, she did very well academically. While I wish I could take all of my struggling students home and love them, I know that is not possible. However, I can create a safe environment for my students and I can be a safe adult.
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