I thought I was prepared for this past September. Covid quarantine was not too bad for me. My kids thrived doing online learning, and my relationship with my husband seemed to have gotten stronger over that time. My elderly mom caught Covid before quarantine, and recovered pretty quickly, and that was one less worry.
I was really angry about returning to school in June. And this anger took a toll on me. I had no students return, but was expected to commute to work, and teach online with crappy wifi. It just didn’t make sense. I stewed over it all of June. It was really hard. The anger really took a toll on me.
So, this summer I tried to stop thinking about it. I kept up to date with the government’s plan for September, but I tried not to let it affect me. And I thought I had succeeded but now I think I was simply felt numb the whole summer.
When we came back in September to full-time face-to-face learning, it was sooooo good to see my colleagues once again and touch base about summer with the ones I had not seen in July and Aug. We were on a high. And when the children arrived, I had the BEST DAY. It was so much fun. I realized then, just how much I missed standing in front of a group of kids and engaging them and laughing.
But when we got down to organizing the details, things were not so fun. Between handwashing and eating snack and lunch in the classroom during instructional time, I lost over 1.5 hours of teaching time. My guided reading block went down to 45 minutes instead of 75 minutes. My math block went from 60 min to 30 minutes. This was not enough time. The rest of the day needs to fit in SEL and more Literacy and Numeracy. I was personally sanitizing my desks 3 times a day.
A common occurrence was when I walked towards the exit after work, I sometimes ran into some colleagues that I would normally eat lunch with, but they are not in my cohort, (or learning group, or whatever you want to call it). I realized I did not speak to them all day. Where can we socially distance at lunchtime? Only 4 people allowed in the staff room at once. Are we allowed to eat lunch in our classrooms with other staff not in our cohort? On a regular teaching day, I will cross the hall to another teacher’s room and tell her a quick anecdote about something funny that has just happened in my class, and she will do the same to me. But now I am unsure. I just want to tell her something quick, not shout it across her classroom. But I don’t think I can enter when her students are there because they are a different cohort, or can I?
My green waste/ paper towel bin is always overflowing by lunchtime. Do I need a second bin? Or should I organize a child to empty it down the hall? The kids are slowly getting better at using only one paper towel at a time, but now our overworked custodian often forgets to fill my paper towel dispenser. Now it’s turned into this little game where I try to hide any unused paper towel so I have a secret stash for those times he forgets.
My students struggled to keep their hands off their supplies. Normally I like to use communal supplies, but this year that’s not possible. This is driving me crazy. Their hands are in their desks banging around, or they are having a sword fight with their rules, or chewing on a pencil…
And I appear to have the most slobbery Grade 2 class I’ve ever had. 2 kids always have a wet desk because they can’t keep their fingers out of their mouths, and one child loves to chew on his mask and then take it off and put it on his desk, which then gets wet. It’s disgusting. Other children are touching every surface they can reach as they walk across the room. One child loves to lay across the tables and spread his germs to all the other kids.
I could go on and on. But here’s the thing. I’m starting to shut down. I am grieving. I am grieving most of the things that I love about my job. Getting close to hear that tiny child who only whispers. Helping a child cut out a picture by putting your hand over theirs. Sitting side-by-side with a child who leans into you while they listen because they want that human contact. Eating lunch in a noisy crowded staffroom with people who understand my job and know the children I work with. People are on edge right now.
I miss my regular life, and I miss my regular job. I’m tired of asking questions all day about whether or not it’s protocol for me to do something – like teach music inside. I’m tired of my glasses fogging up when I wear a mask. This is my 29th year of teaching and this year is the first year I wasn’t looking forward to coming back to work in September.
Christmas break hasn’t come soon enough. I’ve had a few days take a deep breath and try to find the positive things in my life right now. Here’s what I am thankful for.
- My classroom is in a building that is less than 20 years old. There is a newer ventilation system and windows and a door that open to the outside. I have kept these windows fully open all fall, and although I live in Canada, my classroom hasn’t been below 20 degrees (70 degrees Fahrenheit) all year.
- This is a wonderful group of students I have. They can wear a mask for an hour and a half and stay in their desks and do their work without getting up needlessly. They happily wash their hands when I ask. They even remember to tell me when I forget. They line up appropriately and stay in their assigned playground area at Recess and Lunch. They eat at their desks and clean up after themselves.
- My colleagues and I have figured out how to keep in touch at school without getting too close to each other, and a few of us have a regular “happy hour” on Fridays where we go home, get a drink and meet up over zoom. I look forward to this a lot.
- We figured out how to do virtual assemblies for Remembrance Day and Christmas.
- My elderly Mom was very sick in March, and now it turns out she has the antibodies for Covid-19. So clearly, she had the virus back then. She thinks she’s invincible, but it does mean I have less to worry about when it comes to her insistence that we see each other face to face.
- There has been Covid-19 in my school, and in the families of my students, but so far, no illness for me and my students.
- I have taken the attitude that we’re teaching in a pandemic so we do the best we can. Science and Social Studies are not being taught with much depth, but the basics are being done. My kids are learning to read more fluently and as far as I’m concerned, that is the most important part of school. Math is working well too. I’m not stressing out about the kids with poor attendance. Their parents are doing the best they can, and they are worried about their children’s health. So, if they miss some school it won’t be the end of the world. The vaccine is now here, and next year’s school will be more like normal.
I’m trying to breathe and I’m trying to focus on the positive. I’m still a bit numb when it comes to thinking about the virus, and I try not to fret about what might happen. I’ll deal with it if it comes.
I hope everyone has a great holiday season. I hope you get to touch base with your families and have a wonderful 2021.
I’m sure many of you are thinking the same as me. You just can’t wait to see the end of 2020. It’s definitely been an emotional roller coaster.
